Wanting
by Kage no Aki
Summary: Your life has changed in an instant and you've finally realized you can't have what you want. Insight from Edward. Written premovie.


**Wanting**

It's been a long time since there was the lush green grass to lie on and cool summer breezes to brush away strands of hairs. It's been a long time since that day, since he last saw his brother disappear in a brilliant flash of light.

He remembered very little about what had happened to trigger his final decision that caused him to end up here, in this world. The years didn't add up in his head to his age, but his father had told him he had met many people, saw many places, suffered, and worked hard. That was his equivalent trade. Roughly four years of his life disappeared for his brother, but he would have died for him, so it was fair.

The last few years he had spent in America trying to discover a way to reach space, but little progress had been made in his view and it was not fast enough for him to reach his world. Slowly he had made the realization that he would never return to his world, his body had passed the gate. He could not lie on the green grass again.

He could never see his little brother again. He would never see his all knowing Sensei again. He would never see _her_ again. He had missed her the most. There was no auto-mail here. He was stuck with a poorly constructed replacement of an arm and a simple wooden leg.

She knew precisely all the details about him, everything. Yeah, it was her job, but he knew she didn't do it because it was her job. It was because _she wanted too_. She wanted to know exactly how much he had grown since the last time he had saw her. She wanted to know how good his auto-mail lasted for him. She wanted to know him. _And he wanted to know her_. He wanted to feel the way she lightly touched his shoulder before she reattached his nerves. He wanted to smell her tinged a little bit with grease and metal. He wanted an excuse for them to fight and then give her that lopsided grin. He wanted to tell her, but he hadn't. One thing he had regretted most was not telling her.

Now he was here, without a way to get back, because it was impossible. What good is a prodigy if he has nothing to work for?

He spent countless nights dreaming of the gate. That one giant stone door that controlled one's life. Alchemy and technology were the two biggest differences that separated these two worlds with one gate. He frequently imagined himself standing in front of it, many, many times, but he never did anything. It would not open and he knew it wouldn't. He hoped for nothing. He went to the gate for his memories of the other world he knew he lived in, but no longer was a part of. He spent many hours sitting on its steps remembering the days that were spent laughing with Al and _her_.

He would touch the steps and pretend to know the world that used to live in. The night Al returned home. The way Rose cared for her baby. The house Sensei still lived in. The way _she_ would wait for him.

He even remembered imagining watching Al studying to become a National Alchemist, just like before. He would try to scream out answers as if he could hear him. It was a little game he played with himself. It took him over a year to realize that he was not imagining things; the door was letting him see things.

The things he had thought he had invented were really true. So now he spent even more hours watching all the important people in his life get on with their own lives. He even checked on Mustang. Above all, he watched _her_ the most and years later she was still waiting for him. Years later, he still wanted her.

But there was no way he could get what he wanted. He could just watch.

He pretended that he could talk to her while she slept and he pretend that she was listening to him with her dreams. He talked about what he had done that day and how much he missed her. He loved how she smiled in her sleep; the sweet little smile that she smiled only when she was sleeping. Only when she was sleeping.

He only saw that smile one other time. During summer, oh those summers that he missed so much, it was night time when he usually watched her and she was lying on the roof after a rough day of boredom. She was thinking with a frown for a long time. He wanted to comfort her so badly.

"Winry." Her name escaped his lips for the umpteenth time.

She looked more depressed than she usually did. Lately, her nights have been plagued with nightmares. She's been tossing and turning with no one beside her to keep her still or whisper her soothing words. She laid there with downcast eyes and the frown on her face turned into a tight little line.

He watched her stand up and smile.

"Winry!"

No response.

"Winry!" He tried a little louder.

Just the hushed tones of the wind passing through the leaves.

"WINRY!"

* * *

Comments/Criticisms? I'll answer all.

If you're looking for the next "chapter" it's another stand alone story, **Waiting**.


End file.
